hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
