Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
