my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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