My sheets look like a crime scene.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
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