I didn't shave. On purpose
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
