i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
