i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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