Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
How external is "for external use only"?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
