Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
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I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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