I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
