dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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