So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
