Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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