He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Someone signed my nipple.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
