he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
