yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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