he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
