Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
