Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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