I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
