Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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