i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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