ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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