It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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