Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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