I need help removing her.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
