while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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