are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
