I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
