i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Dick very happy bro
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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