So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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