After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
