Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I need a burrito and a hug.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
