Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
