it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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