I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
