he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize