I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
