You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
