Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
should my penis look like a turkey
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
