there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
