I am spending my child support on dildos
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize