i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
