i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
