Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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