there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just had sex on a roof
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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