once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize