Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
