her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
wow bdsm is so cute
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
