When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
