And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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