Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
