If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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