not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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