i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
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The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
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Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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