we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
