it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
