This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
