Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
