i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
