I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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