Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
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I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
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I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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