He kissed a someone with a penis
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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